Breastfeeding: Positive Story to Overcome Breastfeeding Challenge

If breastfeeding is an instinct, why is it so hard? Why something that is so natural has to be so strange, to begin with?

Breastfeeding is mother nature. It is a process by which human breast milk is fed to a child. But not only that the child receives milk, but breastfeeding is also a source of comfort and love. It provides nutrition, fights illness, builds a child’s immune system, and releases hormones to the baby and the mother. However, with so many benefits comings from giving breastmilk, it is not always an easy process for both parties. In fact, less than 50% of newborns receive the initiation of breastmilk globally. Only two in five infants under six months of age are exclusively breastfed (Source: Breastfeeding practices - UNICEF DATA).

The numbers are telling us that in practice, breastfeeding is not an easy journey. Not all mothers have support systems that enable breastfeeding. Many mothers from developing countries as well as the US have no adequate maternity protection that enables direct breastfeeding and childcare support.

So I write this article to share my experience for mothers out there who have often not much clue yet are determined to breastfeed their baby. Remember that every journey is different, and it is a mother's choice to breastfeed or not. Not all mothers are able or willing to breastfeed around the clock and it is okay. However, I believe if there is a will, there is a way. For every breastfeeding problem, there will be a breastfeeding solution.

In my case, I have been working in one of the most women-friendly environments. In Germany, working mothers receive fourteen weeks of the mother’s protection period (6 weeks before and 8 weeks after delivery). During this period, the employee is not allowed to work, and her salary will be paid in full by health insurance and the employer. After that mothers can take parental leave up to three years after the child’s birth.

In my experience, despite all the support and information that I gained prior to childbirth, breastfeeding is still very challenging. I was so naïve to think that breastfeeding was only about putting a newborn in front of a breast and making sure that she latches well every 2-3 hours period. In practice, it is more like feeding around the clock while guessing if she is hungry or too full. During my early days as a mother, my instinct was not developed just yet. When the midwife asked me to breastfeed again, I was asking, “But I just fed her 1,5 hours ago. Is she really crying due to hunger?” It was not until we weighed her, I realized that she was super hungry.

It is true that the Germans said, the first months of postpartum is a “Kennenlernenzeit” – time to know each other. It means, we learn all about the baby and the mother herself. Every baby is unique but somehow there is a pattern in the newborn period. One common thing is crying. Infants cry a lot because that is the only language they can. When they cry, it means something isn’t right. It can be many things from hunger, tiredness, lack of comfort, sickness, or sometimes just being away from the mother. This period can be really overwhelming, both for the mother and the baby.

Being vulnerable also presents other opportunities. Some of them are very close to your heart and will shake the fundamental of how you see everything. For example, I used to be very factual. If I have problems, I always seek solutions. However, when I became a mother, I was not so in tune with my feelings. As a result, I consult google more than I feel what my child needs. It turns out, I wasn’t confident with my ability to child-rearing. So, after several weeks of milk and nap tracking, I ditched the notes, the breast pump, and everything “modern” only to find myself learning to breastfeed from the ground.

In the beginning, I relied so much on the nipple shield, breast pump, and bottles. My reasoning was breastfeeding was so uncomfortable, so I need these tools to ease my pain. My back ached and my nipple was sore. While breastfeeding, I scratched the dead skin on my toes to distract me from the latching pain. Then some days after that, I realized that my feet were hurting! When I looked back, I felt so stupid to skirt around the problem instead of tackling the root cause. As a starter, I ditched the pump because I can’t stand to see so little come out of the flange and the baby drinks even less than that. Most of the milk that I have pumped will likely end up in the sink. After that, I faced my breastfeeding problem heads on.

The root cause of these behaviors was underlying anxiety. Due to anxiety, it was very difficult to enjoy the process. There was always pressure to do more. Am I a good mother? Why doesn’t my baby sleep? Do I produce enough? Or sometimes even comparing our baby with another baby who seems “easier” than ours. These thoughts are very normal, and I would say a side effect of our way of living in this modern world. Where everything can be measured, you really can’t measure a direct breastfeeding experience. First, we don’t know how much milk comes out of the nipples. Secondly, we don’t know if the baby drinks enough. In fact, normal feeding can take from 15 minutes to 50 minutes period in the newborn stage.

In this modern world, instead of dealing with emotions, we tend to swipe these emotions under the rug. We discredit our instinct and triumph with our logic – even if we know that our thinking is often flawed. So, when we do breastfeed instead of paying attention to our baby's cues, we google things hoping to find a solution. But the solution isn’t there! The solution to our breastfeeding problems is right under our noses.

In this article, I list several tips to tune in with your instinct as a mother and to make your breastfeeding journey a pleasant one (please note: all these tips are my own opinions. So if that’s helpful for you, that would be great!)

1. BE CONFIDENT

One day, I was out with my baby for an afternoon walk in the stroller. A middle-aged woman with a stroller approached me and complimented how cute baby V is. I sensed that she needed someone to talk to, so I offered to walk together. It turned out that she is an “Erzieherin” (Someone who takes care of children professionally). She told me that she breastfed so many children in her lifetime and doesn’t matter how eager she was to try a new job, she always ends up with jobs related to children. I told her that I really could use her help because I had a lack of sleep due to breastfeeding. With a big smile and a flair of proudness, she said, “Days are hard, but they are worth it! I remember when I was a first-time mother… it captivated me to see that I was not only a daughter to my mom. I am also a MOTHER! Don’t worry, babies are robust. One time, I breastfeed two of my kids at the same time and sometimes I breastfeed my neighbor’s kid in the past. I will not do it again if I must. But don’t worry, your milk is enough.” She then ranted that how many modern mothers were worrying too much: the clothes are too thick, a few drops of rain are dangerous, and many other things that were unnecessary.

As a modern mother myself, I know that child-rearing is much different between then and now. Mostly because we often have a lack of support system and we live in a such small family unit: if we need to breastfeed around the clock, who will clean the house, cook, work, and let alone check emails or Instagram?

But being confident is the only option to care. To know that we are able to deliver a child into this world is an achievement of its own. Of course, we are not in any way perfect as mother human nature tells us that breastmilk is the gold standard and to be able to produce this golden liquid requires top-notch mental and physical health.

TIPS: find your way to be confident and in tune with your soul. Be egoistic if you must! Pamper yourself and your baby, eat healthy things you like, sleep when the baby sleeps, practice positive self-talk, and connect or disconnect with people of your choice – if you do, surround yourself with positive people, but mainly do things you like and stop things you dislike. And do not worry too much, because babies are ROBUST! And your milk supply is enough - remember it is SUPPLY and DEMAND. The supply will catch up to the baby's demand. Somehow, they managed to survive and thrive.

2. PAY ATTENTION (ONLY) TO YOUR BABY

There are 4,8 babies born every second and 288 babies every minute (Source: The World Counts). On the other hand, every baby is unique, just like adults. Babies are born with different genetic predispositions. Some babies will latch on without a fuss from the get-go. Some babies have a tongue tie that hinders them to latch. Some mothers have abundant milk instantly and some mothers need to pump their supply just to meet the initial demand. Although life is such a lottery ticket, it really depends on us how to make it work.

So instead of comparing our baby to other babies, I found out that observing our baby is the best thing we can do as a mother. So, what does your baby look like? What does she / he like? Does your baby a fast drinker? Or does she / he like to nibble on the breast? How often does she / he get hungry? What kind of position does she / he like? You can only answer these questions by observing your baby and spending a lot of time with her / him.

Breastfeeding itself is teamwork. It is hard work for the mother and the baby. Our babies, need to be accustomed to life outside of the womb. They need to learn how to suck, how to control milk flow, and how to drink properly. Then the mother takes care of the rest! So basically, helping our baby to burp, to position, to clean their mess, and to change their diaper. And if there is something not right, our baby will surely let us know by crying. In fact, this crying will activate some part of our brain to respond immediately.

In my experience, side-lying position is one of the best ways to breastfeed when I was lacking sleep. In fact, I fell asleep during some of our breastfeeding sessions. The only drawback was that burping became a challenge. Of course, if you read on the internet, people always advise mothers to burp babies every feeding session. However, it is not the case with breastfeeding babies. Babies are programmed to fall asleep at the breast. So if your little ones fall asleep while feeding, it is totally up to you as a mother to burp or not to burp.

Direct breastfeeding will also release oxytocin for both mothers and babies. This hormone makes us feel relaxed and fall asleep during breastfeeding. Furthermore, breastfeeding mothers get more sleep on average than bottle-fed mothers. There are also thousands of benefits to breastfeeding including fighting depression and boosting energy. A full report can be read here: Why Breastfeeding Is Good for Mothers' Mental Health - La Leche League International (llli.org)

After I paid attention only to my baby, everything started to change. Not only that I can communicate with my baby better but my baby listens to me better too! Somehow our rhythm is synchronized and we live in tandem. It means, she will get hungry right after I ate, and she will get sleepy when I start to feel tired. Direct breastfeeding really helps me to set out a routine that works for both of us. In the beginning, I have to adjust my life to her cycle but slowly she catches up with my routine. After 6 months, my baby can follow my daily routine, and her napping schedule is well integrated into my daily activities. Thanks mostly to the oxytocin that helps us relax during the day and night.

3. HELP YOURSELF BEFORE HELPING OTHER

As a new mother living in a foreign country, I get very little help. I have neither family nor friends nearby (blame these circumstances on a very ambitious couple who move to another city every two years). Moving, working, and exploring cities were so many of our activities as a couple before having a baby. Then life starts to fall apart after our baby is born.

I must admit, it is so difficult and is still difficult to navigate life alone as a new mother. Some of the difficulties include adjusting to a new household role – should the mother do more chores as she stays at home more than before?, maintaining previous social life – missed invitations to parties, gatherings, and other social events, adjusting the financial department – should the mother contributes financially even after so many chores she does around the house?, and last but not least her own wellbeing of missed social contacts, missed income, and missed opportunities.

These are the problems that I face daily as a new mother. So yes, my partner and I do everything by ourselves: cleaning the house, cooking, doing laundry and dishes, taking care of our baby, and feeding the baby. As the baby gets older, my household chores increased. As my husband started his new job and needs to concentrate more to his career, suddenly a mountain of responsibility fell on my shoulder. Some days, there is not a second, I have time for myself.

In my case, I was too proud to admit that I can’t handle everything alone. I squeeze my self-care routine to a minimum. I bought 7 pairs of breastfeeding dresses with a similar style hoping that I can just snug myself into it and no need to think about what to wear every morning. I wash my hair every 3rd or fourth day of the week and I take shower very quickly. Everything that is for myself, I did in such a rush including brushing my teeth.

After one day I realized the skin of my hands crack due to frequent hand washing and lack of moisture, I realize I am in a complete mess. How can I take care of my baby if I can’t take care of myself?

After that incident, I changed my course. I prioritize my well-being first before doing other things including breastfeeding. If I need to brush my teeth, take a shower, or do exercise, I will take all the time I need and sometimes let the baby protest a little. My baby won’t die from hunger and she can stand to wait. I don’t rush anymore, and I learned how to ignore her for a while. I also cut back on my social interaction as sometimes it becomes exhausting. I will bounce back when I am ready but right now it is not the time to be a social butterfly.

Not only that prioritizing myself is good for my body, but it is also good training for my baby.

TIPS: go for a walk in nature with your baby. Mothers are not advised to jog in the first 9 months postpartum, however, a daily stroller walk is very beneficial for our body and for the baby. Eat well and healthily, if your baby starts solid, eat together with your baby at every mealtime – enjoy every bit and let the baby does a little mess, NO RUSH! Enroll in diverse activities that you enjoy as a mother. In my case, we enrolled in a baby massage class and in a baby swim class because we love cuddling and water. Finally, take your time to do your OWN hobby! Your happiness is a milk booster for the baby so don’t feel guilty.

4. BE INFORMED AND GETS HANDS-ON

There are so many articles out there about breastfeeding and child-rearing. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to read every possible breastfeeding challenge mostly if the articles aren’t well-written and informative enough. It can be also discouraging to read only a breastfeeding success story and thinking that you are the only one with this challenge.

In fact, breastfeeding challenges are very common. From a perceived low milk supply to self-image of breastfeeding, the journey is not a smooth sail. It is good that more and more mothers are breastfeeding their infants directly. However, we should not forget that by openly sharing information, tips, and mental support without judging and flaunting the achievement will help other mothers to feel less isolated in this journey.

In the beginning, I scanned a lot of articles online about breastfeeding: the different types of positions that you can try, how your milk supply works, the baby’s hunger signs, the baby’s congenital challenge on latching, and many other things.

After scanning so many articles online, I realized that many of them are not well-written and are even misleading. There are so many articles that a mother needs to give one breast at a period in order to feed the hindmilk instead of foremilk from another breast. In theory, it is a good thought, but if a mother doesn’t have an abundant milk supply. Feeding from one breast only will prolong latching and a risk that the baby doesn’t feel full at the end of a feeding. Later on, I learned that offering the other breast at the end of every feeding time is a better bet to make sure that the baby drinks enough. There must be a reason why we have two glands instead of one. There are also many other examples that contradict one another. So, like good scientific research, I make sure that I read articles with enough data and good integrity, something like science direct for breastfeeding.

So I consult La Leche League for a breastfeeding catalogue: Breastfeeding Info - La Leche League International (llli.org).

On their web, they cover issues such as amount of milk, re-lactation, corona, and breastfeeding, mastitis, nipple confusion, oversupply, supplementing with formula, and even cases where the mothers have cancer, influenza, and much more.

I feel so lucky that such an organization exists to help mothers all around the world get adequate information about breastfeeding.

Another thing that helps me is by talking to other fellow mothers. By creating my own safe space and actively engaging in this conversation, I learned that I wasn't alone and other people face similar challenges as well. There is one time that we even laugh together because pumping and bottle feeding is so cumbersome if you don't have enough milk. But we did that anyway.

Furthermore, knowledge without practice is something like a myth. So, getting professional help from a lactation consultant and a midwife is very important.

When a mother delivers a baby, either in a hospital or at home. A midwife should be present. These midwives along with a lactation consultant will help the new mother to initiate breastfeeding. Like a tribe culture in the past, these lactation consultants can also support the new mothers technically as well as mentally.

For example, it was my lactation consultant that showed me and gave me reassurance that my baby's latching was very good. She gave me tips on what kind of bra should I wear and helped me to try different positions for placing my babies. She also told me how to co-sleep with my baby during our hospital stay. So, I literally didn’t sleep for three days. One of the reasons was my baby wanted to breastfeed nonstop, but another reason is that I soak on so much information and practice these skills 24 hours around the clock.

Being hands-on is also about being resourceful, it means a mother can learn along the way and it is okay to make mistakes. For example, in the beginning, I was a bit lazy to position my baby breast-to-breast (the baby needs to face us instead of tilting her/his head to feed). After a while, I realized that my baby was swallowing a lot of air due to poor positioning. I corrected this problem and I have a happier baby in my arms. At the end of the day, a mother and a baby are one team. The baby needs to learn how to latch properly, to breathe regularly, and not to bite while feeding. On the other hand, the mother needs to learn to be patient with the baby and with herself.

TIPS: Learn, experience, and share the challenges within our safe space will prepare us mentally. It is VERY NORMAL to have breastfeeding challenges and you will be surprised when you start to open, people will also share their deepest thoughts and may help you along the way. Appreciate this motherhood bond and pass the wisdom on!

5. IF THERE IS A DISTRACTION, MOVE ON

For many of us, a delivery leaves a very profound impact on our physical and mental health. It seems like our world turns upside down yet other people have a business-like usual kind of life. The first few months of postpartum is also a very vulnerable time for a woman. Not only that her body change, her hormones, her senses, and her view of the world can change in the blink of an eye.

I shared openly about my delivery and postpartum experience here. In my case, I experienced a moderate sense of baby blue. It was the time when I felt a lot of danger for me and my baby. I become very cautious in every detail and think of many worst-case scenarios from eczema to poor weight gain.

However, after I passed this hard period, I realized that the world around me revolves without me! I missed a lot of events and other engagements. It seems like friends are relatives already moved mountains and I am still struggling with breastfeeding and finding time to sleep.

I also feel like people act differently toward me. As much as I swear to not change my behavior and my intention towards people, there are many things else that changed while I focused my life inwardly. So, when external problems arise, I was very sad and confused. However, I learned that taking a step back and observing in silence is a very good method to assess a new situation. Amazingly, I feel like I am at a much more mature state than before. Not only that a child makes me to be a better version of myself, I also handle conflict very calmly (maybe thanks to oxytocin!). I learned that every external conflict that is not urgent or important can wait. Everything else can wait in the world of a baby.

Remember that your happiness is a milk booster to your baby, so instead of going down a rabbit hole in blaming others and yourself. It is totally okay to move on!

Sometimes, we can also do much more damage by saying and doing things without a fore thinking. In my experience, my relationships with others resumed to a normal and more mature level once I decided to step back and let other people have the space they need.

Of course, it can be lonely when we face motherhood alone. But it doesn’t have to be! We can enjoy new things and leave the things that made us feel bad. For example, I don’t have time yet to hang out with friends and grab a boba on the way but now I have time to meet with other mothers during baby massage classes, lactation café, and baby swimming classes. Yes, it is different because I missed my friends terribly but it is also fine because I learned more about my baby, and my new role, and as a plus, it gives me joy! My two cents would be: move on at your own pace and it is okay to open slowly. At the end of the day, life is a very complex thing and breastfeeding can be complex too. So be gentle to yourself and good luck!

Do you have any other tips to ensure a pleasant, successful, and happy breastfeeding journey? Let’s share here!